Saturday, September 24, 2011

I can't say thank you enough!

Well I jumped off a virtual cliff of sorts on Tuesday, when I posted a very personal journal piece that I had written. What I didn't expect was the overwhelming support and GRATITUDE I received from people. I never knew that sharing my experience would open the door for so many people to share their own. It's funny how when we have all experienced some sort of pain in our lives, it remains one of those things that we work way too  hard to hide. But in reality, a lot of times, our pain can be a comfort to someone else. Someone who feels like they are alone in their experiences.

Through this blog post I heard from acquaintances, who watched me go through this 14 years ago,who wanted to ask how I felt, or how I coped, but they were afraid to ask. It was an incredible experience to hear the genuine, straight from the heart condolences that some of my dear old friends wanted to say for all these years, but were afraid to hurt me even more. Maybe afraid that the mere mention of my pain would make it all the more difficult.

I not only got to enjoy reliving old memories, but got to experience an unexpected, outpouring of feelings. This week I received hugs that on a normal day would be slightly awkward. But I can't tell you how many genuine, totally unawkward hugs I received (and gave!) this week. From people I passed in church, people I see while dropping my kids off at school, as well as many virtual hugs, I feel like people heard my message, and appreciated it.

I was privileged to receive messages of memories people had of my mom, of how proud she would be of me, and even how proud they are of me! I got to read about other peoples heartaches and how they appreciated reading this and knowing that the pain does get more bearable.

One of my biggest fears with posting this page were how my close friends and family would react. From those closest to me, I got overwhelming gratitude. From others I heard nothing :(  But the most important feedback of all was straight from my Dad. After all, he was the one who experienced the greatest loss that day 14 years ago. My life may have changed, but his had to STOP and start over.  He called me while I was out shopping last Tuesday, a few hours after the post went live. He told me he read it. (I started to sweat a little at this point!) I don't even know if I asked what he thought. I was to afraid to know. I was afraid of all the things I said before. That it would be to hard to relive. That it might hurt him more to read it. That he would be mad that I put the side burn picture up for the whole world to see. But his answer. " I loved it. It was hard to get read at times, but I am very proud of you, Ang." {sigh of relief} Those were the only words I needed to hear. That my DAD was proud of me. Then my sister calls me later that evening, and was speechless. Excited and speechless, which said more to me than a million compliments. Then, I even caught Ryan reading it. He didn't say to much, but the hubs doesn't like to read, so I knew what this meant :) And as the commetns, emails and phone calls rolled in I realized that the emotional roller coaster of writing and posting this were so worth it.
The newest addition to my living room. A gift from my Dad :)
He must have known how much I needed to hear it! 

I apologize that I can't respond to every comment I received. I tried to at the beginning, but couldn't keep up! Between comments, facebook messages, emails and shares, the support I felt is something that I can't thank you all enough for. So please know, that even if I couldn't write back to you personally, I read each and every word you wrote, and even read most of them twice :) Your words were kind, funny, emotional and real. Your words were a gift, and I thank each and every one of you.



  1. Do you really have to rub it in by posting a picture of the plaque online! Living in your shadow is not an easy task!!!!!Just kidding.You know dad is the best dad ever!!Sarah

  2. Well, I love to make a public effort to show how you are second best! Oh, and to tell everyone that you are YOUNGER than me, even though you look older,hehe!!

  3. Thank you for leading me to read this. There is peace also, in knowing we are not alone in our jouney to heal. You are a good friend, and you're right. I did cry. Thank you for showing that Faith is knowing we will all meet again. Godspeed. Oh, I always thought Sarah WAS older. ha ha. It must be her maturity. Caitlin


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