You Don't Know What You've Got 'Til it's Gone

Almost 14 years ago, when I was just 19 years old, I, along with my Dad and sister, had to say good bye to my best friend, my Mother. We watched her helplessly as he slowly went from a bubbly, strong, friendly ray of sunshine to yet another casualty of that horrible thing we call cancer.

This is the last pic of Mom and Dad together
summer of 1997- aren't they cute????

But the thing of it is, even though I still get sad, or even sometimes angry when I think of all that I lost, and all that could have been, I see how faithful My God has been to us, regardless of the fact that His plan doesn't always seem fair.

When I look into my daughters eyes, I can be overcome with sadness knowing they will never know how awesome, beautiful and fun their Grandma was.

When I sew a bag, I can become angry, thinking that she should be there, with our never ending coffee pots, sewing together. Making things for each other.


When my husband and I celebrate our 11th anniversary later this month, I might feel sorry for myself, wishing she could see how we turned out. Wanting so bad to hear that she is proud of me.

Sorry, kids were the photographers...

But here is the awesome part: She is with God, standing in His eternal glory, and this gives me tremendous joy!

I have two wonderful, beautiful daughters, that God knew I could raise, whether or not I had my Mom to help me.


He gave me a strong relationship with my Dad, who never asked to be both Mom and Dad, both Grandma AND Grandpa. Yet it's a role he has filled flawlessly. And a relationship that would have been very different if she would still be here.

Dad, Chloe, Me, Audrey and Ryan in Door County this summer 

 She is here with me when I sew. She tried to teach me in high school when I didn't want to learn, but somehow, by some miracle, it stuck, and it is how I make my living today. And every time someone tells me how proud she'd be of what I'm doing, I think of how I couldn't be doing it if it weren't for her....


She taught me how to be a friend.................

My Mom (front right) with her group of friends, which included Joyce,(next to her)
who is Amy's Mom :)

Amy and I now :)

He gave me a best friend, who knows what I mean, since she's been there all along. My Mom and Dad had a group of friends when we were growing up, and while Amy and I weren't close as kids, as adults, I don't know what I'd do without her.  God knew I needed to be reminded by people who knew my Mom, of who she was. And the relationships I have with those who loved her and knew her, is a gift I can't describe. Because, in a small way, it keeps her memories close to me.


So when I get over my woe is me moments, I realize that God has always been there.

I realize now that His plan is not for me to understand, but for me to take comfort in.

I now know that none of the "could have beens" will compare to the "is to comes".

I praise Him for that!